Dear Abby

[SKULLCRUSHER]

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice.

I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs. phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with "the girls" a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night but with "the girls". It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it?

Signed,
Perplexed

[manofphat]

lol nice one. I didn't see that coming

[chris]

Take the club to the repair shop and pick up a new wife on the way home.

[Cleavage Monkey]

Another good one I heard at a wedding this weekend. You probably have heard it but oh well.

Guy is talking to his buddy about what he did for his 10th wedding anniversary. His friend says "so what did you do? Did you give her jewelry, flowers, a romantic dinner?", he replies "no I took my wife to Europe", his friend says "wow man how are you ever going to top that one? What are you going to do for your 20th wedding anniversary" and he replies "go back and get her".

[RANDOM H3RO]

Abby's Response:

Dear Perplexed,

You situation is a troubling one, although I'm not 100% sure what could have caused that kind of damage I'm pretty sure it's an easy fix, infact I'm sure it will be fixed shortly. I'll make sure to drop off a new club when I drop your wife off on friday night.

[NIS3R s Dad]

Little girl says to her mom at a wedding, 'mommy why does the bride wear white?'
Mom says, 'its because this is the happest day of her life!'
Girl thinks this over a bit then says, 'Then why is the groom in black?'

[WiseGuy]

mark wins!

[The Killing Joke]

A Mother takes her five year old Son to the Zoo, and they walk all over while the Son points and asks questions. They come to the section where the Elephants are, and the Son catches a glimpse of something that makes his eyes open wide. "Mommy! Mommy!" he says, pointing excitedly. "What's that?"

The Mother looks at the elephant, and where her son is pointing, and replies, "That's the elephant's trunk, Son."

"No! No!" the boy says, trying to get his Mother to see what he's talking about. "That, back there!"

The Mother looks again, looks down at her Son and says, "Well, that's the elephant's tail, Son!"

"No, Mommy!" he says again. "Right there!"

The Mother finally realizes what the boy is pointing at, and not wanting to get into that discussion at such a young age, she says, "Oh. That? That's nothing, Son..." They then hurry away, before the Son can ask any more questions. The next week, the Son asks his Father to take him to the Zoo, excited to see if he can finally find an answer to his question. The boy rushes them right over to the elephant exhibit, and asks, "Daddy! What's that?"

His Father takes a glance, looks down at his Son, and says, "Well, that's the elephant's trunk, Son!"

"No, Daddy! No!" the boy says, frustrated. "That, back there! There!"

The Father looks again, and can't imagine what the boy is so excited about. Like the Mother, he replies, "That's the elephant's tail, Son!"

"No, Daddy!" he says again. "Right there!"

Well, the Father sees what the boy is looking at, and smiles down at his young Son... "That's the elephant's cock, Son!"

"Ohhhhhhh!" says the small boy, quite amazed. He thinks for a moment, and asks, "Why did Mommy say it was nothing?"

"Well," says the Father. "Your Mother is spoiled, Son!"

[NIS3R s Dad]

an oldie but a goodie....
shortest sentence in the English language, "I am."
longest?...... "I do."

[silence]

mark i dont get that one.. "shortest sentence in the english language, *i am.* "??

[The Killing Joke]

mark i dont get that one.. "shortest sentence in the english language, *i am.* "??

The shortest sentence (i.e. group of words put together to express a cohesive thought) in the English language is "I am." The longest sentence (i.e. "jail term") is "I do."

Does that clear it up? :))

[silence]

nope...

my understanding of "i do" was along the lines this thread had turned... wedding jokes. so i took "i do" as when ur standing at the front and the whole shpeal about do you <insert name> take so and so as your lawfully wedded <insert role of choice> in sickness and in health, in richer or poorer.. yadda yadda yadda... then you say "I Do"

now i still dont understand the significance of the "I am"

[ORION]

It's 3 letters that make a proper sentence, similar to "I do" only without the lifetime commitment, it's a statement of an instantaneous fact that has few implications.

[silence]

ok so in other words there is no real relevance to anything other than that?

[ORION]

nope. It's just numerically the shortest sentence in the english language, well, it and "i do"

[The Killing Joke]

I'd like to point out that this has now become both the world's longest and shortest joke. :))

[NIS3R s Dad]

lol so true TKJ

[WiseGuy]

nope. It's just numerically the shortest sentence in the english language, well, it and "i do"
gg

[EyeMaster]

Sentence as in 'phrase'

[aftersh0ck]

LOL TKJ I love your sig. Classic, what makes it better is that it's House