FW: LHL Scouting report -Vesa where's the love???

**monty slick** · February 16th, 2010, 08:10 PM

> Wednesday, February 10,
> 2010
> An open letter to
> Vesa Toskala
>
> What's
> Swedish for "GTFO"?
> Former
> Maple Leafs goalie Vesa Toskala was recently
> quoted taking a few shots at Toronto ,
> telling reporters that he was looking forward to an
> opportunity to "wash that blue and white out of my
> gear".
>
> Toskala is certainly entitled
> to his opinions. However, in the spirit of respectful
> dialog, Down Goes Brown would like to offer the response
> below.
>
> Dear Vesa,
>
> Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'll pause for a moment
> while you configure your screen reading software.
>
> It's now been ten days since you were traded. Soon
> you'll be making your debut with Anaheim , pending the
> resolution of some visa issues that were presumably caused
> by a customs agent who was a Ducks fan. In any event, it was
> probably a pleasant change for you to be involved in a story
> where something was actually denied entry.
>
> You're currently involved in a mini-controversy with
> your new team, who have denied your request to wear your
> familiar #35. They're apparently unaware of how
> important that number is to you, given that it represents
> your approximate career save percentage. But let's not
> focus on Anaheim -- instead, let's take a look back at
> your time in Toronto .
>
> You came to Toronto three years ago when you were acquired
> in a trade
> by John Ferguson Jr., which should have been our first
> hint as to how things would turn out. In your initial
> training camp you managed to lose the starter's job to
> Andrew Raycroft, which is somewhat like losing a slam dunk
> contest to Stephen Hawking. But eventually you assumed the
> starter's role, and fans in Toronto had a chance to get
> to know you.
>
> You had your good points. For example, fans never had to
> worry about an extended streak of poor performances since
> you could always be counted on to fake a groin injury as
> soon as things went bad. You were responsible for more
> groin-related fakery than Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally.
> The only legitimate lower-body injury you ever suffered was
> a chronic distended bladder, caused by your unfortunate
> habit of taking a small sip of water after every goal
> against.
>
> Despite that, fans were prepared to embrace you. Toronto is
> a town that loves its goaltenders, from the prickly Ed
> Belfour to the
> comatose Felix Potvin. We were ready to make you our next
> goaltending idol, like Curtis Joseph. Instead, after three
> seasons the only Joseph-inspired activity we wanted to see
> you involved with was a roundhouse kick to
> the face.
>
> (And yes, I could have also gone with "getting hit in the
> face with a Wendel Clark
> slapshot". But that would involve
> a puck making contact with you, and we have no actual
> evidence that that's physically possible.)
>
> Since the trade, we've learned that you didn't
> enjoy working with Leafs goaltending coach François
> Allaire, who described you as "not a guy who likes
> to build relations with coaches". In fairness,
> Allaire was probably difficult to work with since his three
> Stanley Cup rings would distract you when he tried to point
> out that you had your pads on upside down. Word is you had
> trouble adapting to the famous "Allaire style",
> which includes such complex techniques as "Don't
> stand with your entire body inside the net", "Hey
> maybe try opening your eyes for a change", and
> "Seriously, get out of your net before I run over you
> with this zamboni".
>
> Anyway, you may be gone, but we'll always have the
> memories. For example, you once allowed a 185-foot
> dribbler to beat you in Long Island .
> Many physicists would argue that it's impossible to get
> beat top corner by a puck that's actually rolling, but
> you managed to prove them wrong. Then you outdid yourself
> this
> season in a game against the Sabres, when you managed to
> reach out with your glove hand and deflect a harmless
> dump-in straight into your own net.
> The goal was watched with disbelief by Leaf fans around the
> world, who until that moment had been unaware that you
> actually owned a glove hand.
>
> All this is not to say that everyone in Toronto is happy to
> see you go. The local twine-repair industry, until recently
> a multi-million dollar business, has fallen on hard times.
> But local environmentalists are thrilled that MLSE has
> significantly reduced its carbon footprint, since it will no
> longer have a red light bulb that stays lit for most of
> every game.
>
> It didn't work out for you in Toronto , but I'm
> sure Leaf fans join me in wishing you best in your future
> endeavors. Good luck the rest of the year in
> Anaheim, next year in the KHL, two years from now in ECHL,
> three years from now in the GTHL, and, eventually, as the
> starter in Montreal.
>
> Just get the hell out of Toronto . And don't let the
> door handle slip untouched through your fivehole on the way
> out.
>
> Your friends,
> Leafs Nation

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